The Journey series
This week’s Mustard Seed revisits the existential angst of my late teens. My father left when I was five years old. I often felt he would have been able to answer some of my deeper questions had he been around. After graduating from high school I decided I needed to know him so I went to visit him in California.
During my two week stay he suggested I attended college there and invited me to stay with him and his wife. Wanting to know him better, I accepted. I arrived in Fremont the following July. Within a few weeks my father accepted a new job. He and his wife moved to New Jersey late that August.
Since I was already enrolled at Ohlone College I stayed. I studied and met new friends. All went well enough at first but during the Christmas break I found myself all alone. I had no family within a thousand miles and my friends were all busy with their families.
I began to wonder why I was, why anything is. I sought the answer in religions, sciences, and philosophies. The one common thread I found was, “As ye sow, so shall ye reap.” Everywhere — axiom of equality, second law of thermodynamics, stoichiometry, karma, an eye for an eye — even the Hells Angels say, “What goes around comes around.” I decided since so many others figured it was true I would accept it also. I worked it backwards to the first action. What caused that? I did the same with conservation of matter and energy. Where did it come from in the first place? Has everything always been there?
I thought about time. It’s finite. No matter what size blocks it's cut into, there must be a beginning for there to be a now, something to stack all those blocks on to get to the present. If there’s a beginning, there must be something greater than all time, space, matter, and energy that caused it to be.
I only found two propositions, the big bang or God. I reasoned that the big bang was an event not a cause. That left only God.
I still didn’t have any family or friends with me, but I now knew I had God. He made up for all that was missing.
Next week: More Wealth.
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Peter T Elliott